Here It Goes Again

The Past and The Future

2008-04-20T18:05:00.002-04:00

I have always been heavy. When I was a little kid, I was cute and chubby, but not too badly overweight. However, by the time I was 11 years old, I weighed 160 lbs. I began to avoid sports like the plague because I didn’t want anyone else to see me struggle to play. Starting then, I began to yo-yo diet, starting with the Protein Power diet. I can remember a seriously low point during that diet. I started crying uncontrollably and hid away in my room, all because I wouldn’t let myself eat the sandwich I wanted. That diet made me lose my mind. After that, I routinely lost small amounts of weight only to go off the various fad diets and gain it all back, plus more. At 17, I’d packed 280 lbs on a 5’8 frame. Over the next 2 years (up to now) I managed to get down to 252, only to shoot up to my all time high of 296.5lbs. Approaching the 300 lb mark scares me. Looking back now, it’s obvious that I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder. I’ve had episodes of periodic binging, and alternatively episodes of anorexia where I exercised away every single calorie that passed my lips. Thankfully purging has never really come into the equation, but it’s been awfully close.

My own negativity and utter lack of self-confidence are two of my biggest obstacles. “It’s too hot. It’s too early. I’ll look stupid. I can’t walk that far. I won’t stick with it this time either. Why bother, it’s not like anyone else cares. I’m tired. Everyone will stare at me.” I'm fighting back against all of that. I can do this. People who care about me also care about my health. And if other people stare, so what? I need to lessen my paranoia anyway. Let them watch me lose weight, I don't care about them anymore. I won't let my fears control my weight any more. I can do this, and I'm ready to start.

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Now playing: The Killers - All These Things That I've Done
via FoxyTunes

The Rite Weight Plan

2008-04-20T14:07:00.003-04:00

Correction: I'm following a modified version of the Rite Weight Plan. The original is on the edge of a Very Low Calorie - averaging less than 950 calories per day. Not a good idea for me to cut back so low at this point in time, so I've made a few alterations.

The plan goes like this, with my additions in red:

Breakfast
1 Fruit or 1 Grain
1 Fruit
1 Protein
Non-caloric beverage

Morning Snack
1 Protein
1 Fruit or Vegetable

Lunch
1 Protein
1 Fruit
1 Vegetable
2 cups lettuce
1 Extra
Non-caloric beverage

Afternoon Snack
1 Protein
1 Fruit or Vegetable

Dinner
1 Protein
1 Fruit
1 Vegetable
1 Vegetable
2 cups lettuce
1 Extra
Non-caloric beverage

Evening Snack
1 Protein

Extras are condiments, coffee creamer, etc.

My additions add on another 200 calories or so per day.

The plan also encourages 30 minutes of exercise per day.

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Now playing: Regina Spektor - Samson
via FoxyTunes

Standing Up

2008-04-19T14:06:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry for the long absence. I hit a rough spot and everything sort of went downhill from there. But, hey, if you fall down seven times, stand up eight. So that's where we are now. I'm about to weigh myself for the first time in over a month. I've been avoiding the scale because I'm afraid of it. But I am going to do this, I deserve to know so that I can face up to the fact that yes, my weight really is a serious problem. So here we go...

Weight: 295 lbs.

I'm kind of in shock. I'm definitely disgusted. That's the most I've weighed, ever. When the numbers came up on the screen I didn't believe it. I hate the fact that I let myself fall this far. I need to lose more than 100 lbs now. I'm afraid that I can't do it. After all, I've been dieting since I was 11 and it's never lasted before. But I'm going to get out of that slump. I can't stand weighing this much and being this unhealthy. I can't even bike a quarter mile before my EIA (exercise induced asthma) starts acting up. That's shameful.

I got this idea from another blog. Unfortunately, I can't remember which.

I am afraid to be thin because…

1. I use food to avoid my feelings.

2. I’ve never been thin in my entire life.

3. I use my weight to avoid socializing.

4. Being fat is comfortable.

I've also started participating in the Rite Weight Plan, which is a free online program from Rite Aid.

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Now playing: Cake - Hem of Your Garment
via FoxyTunes

Week 2

2008-02-26T17:27:00.000-05:00

279 lbs

Don't look for a food update this week, I haven't been tracking it.

Week 1

2008-02-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

282.5 lbs.

It's something at least.

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Now playing: The White Stripes - The Denial Twist
via FoxyTunes

Week 1 Totals

2008-02-16T12:26:00.003-05:00

This covers Wednesday through Friday, although all other weekly totals will cover Saturday through Friday. I've also decided to do weigh ins on Mondays, so that means I'll be posting at least twice a week from now on.

Weekly Totals:

Calories consumed: 5660 (an average of 1887 daily, which incidentally included a binge on Wednesday.)

Protein consumed: 125 (an average of 42 daily. That's okay, although I'd like to try to get it up to 50g a day.)

Minutes exercised: 10. (Yeah, that's bad. Well, now I know what I have to work on the most.)

Minutes walked: 15. (See above.)

As an excuse, I've been sick and haven't felt like exercising. Or walking. Or moving, really.

Also, I've decided to track my fiber intake, so that will appear here as well next week.

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Now playing: Emilie Autumn - Juliet
via FoxyTunes

Resolve - I has it

2008-02-12T21:21:00.000-05:00

I think I may have managed to shock myself into action again.

Based on a number of things, I think that I am pre-diabetic. I'm not even 20 yet. It scares the shit out of me. So, once again...

I am going to kick the majority of processed foods, focusing on high fructose corn syrup and monosodium glutamate.
I will eat at least 3 servings of fruit and vegetables a day.
I will exercise at least 30 minutes a day, every day, not counting walking.
I will walk for 30 minutes a day, at least 3 times a week.
I will keep track of my food intake and of my exercise by writing it down in a physical notebook.
I will post totals to this blog on a weekly basis: weight, total calories consumed, minutes exercised, and distance walked.

(For the curious - I am in therapy for my depression and anxiety. Thanks for the suggestions though!)

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Now playing: Cranberries - The Sweetest Thing
via FoxyTunes

I...? You...? What?

2008-02-05T18:00:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not posting recently. I've been relatively depressed, although not at my lowest point. Near it though. I haven't been following any diet plan or keeping track of my meals, and I'm afraid of what the scale will say when I finally get the courage to step back onto it again.

My mother brought up the possibility of my having bariatric surgery- Lap-band, to be specific. But... I don't know. I'll admit that I have thought about it before, and our health insurance covers the procedure. Yet it somehow feels like cheating. I've been overweight and obese for what seems like my entire life, and I've been dieting since I was 11. I associate food with rewards, with comfort, with safety and acceptance. A doughnut isn't going to reject me, even if I say/do something wrong, look bad, etc. And food is one of coping methods, which I know is fairly common. So much so that I'm addicted to it. I have to be, to hate myself as I continue to stuff my mouth full, unable to stop 'til the box is empty, the crumbs gone. And I hate myself when I do that, I really do. But apparently compulsive overeating is better than my other coping mechanism, which is self-injury. Other than these self-destructive habits, I don't deal with stress. And I have a lot of stress. Just leaving my apartment stresses me out. I have an unofficial diagnosis of depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, and very mild agoraphobia, in addition to Gender Identity Disorder and Gender Dysphoria. I haven't talked about these things before because I wanted this blog to focus on weight loss, not my personal life. But it seems like I cannot separate them from one another.

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Now playing: Le Tigre - I'm So Excited
via FoxyTunes

2008-01-18T12:44:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the lack of post lately. It's been really stressful for me. Suffice it to say that there were cash flow problems and that, for a little while at least, it looked like I would have to withdraw from school due to lack of funds. But that's all been settled now, and yes, I am still attending college. (My major is anthropology, with a history minor, if you were interested.)

I weighed in this morning at 282.5 lbs, a loss of 6 lbs total in almost 2 weeks. And that was with my being stressed out and not eating as well as I should. And also little to no exercise. But I've started walking home from class 3 days a week, and it's about a 30 minute walk each time. I'm also TRYING to play Dance Dance Revolution on the days that I don't walk, but something is wrong with my disc, and it looks like I need a new one. So, in lieu of DDR, I've decided to actually use the total gym that I have. The thing is at least 5 years old, barely used, and that's a bit sad. So I'm doing my best to rectify that. I have class in 10 minutes, so I'll have to cut this blog short.

Thanks for your suport!

Back

2008-01-06T17:11:00.000-05:00

...oops...

I didn't mean to abandon the blog for 3 weeks, it just sort of happened. I visited my parents for the holiday season, and have only just returned home late last night. The holiday damage was considerable, but not as bad as it could've been. Just goes to show me what happens when I eat with abandon and get no exercise what so ever.

Current weight: 288.5 lbs

I still plan on making it to 250 lbs or lower by March 18, and I know I can.

But gaining so much is not good for the depression. I'll drop it all though, and then some. Eventually I want to get down to 180 lbs. I don't care how long it takes.

I've decided to start keeping a food journal, in which I keep track of calories, protein, and fiber, but also my mood before and after eating, time, locations, and my hunger level. I think it will help me out.

2007-12-16T14:05:00.002-05:00

New goal:

I want to lose 30 lbs by March 18th. That's only ten lbs a month, so I should just be able to do it.

I like having a date associated with a goal. I think it will keep me on track, instead of "I want to lose X lbs with no date in mind."

2007-12-15T02:32:00.000-05:00

Walked just under 3 miles in 30 minutes. I didn't think I'd walked that much, but that's what walkrunjog.ne t says I did. I just got the urge to amble around, and 30 minutes straight is just about the right amount of time. I think I'll start walking that time period every day from now on.

Oh, walkrunjog also says that I burnt 540 calories. Which is a lot more than I was expecting.

2007-12-14T02:25:00.001-05:00

276 Lbs, back to my original starting point.

2007-12-08T21:58:00.000-05:00

I haven't weighed myself since the last post. I keep meaning too, then eating breakfast first. I always weigh right after I wake up, before eating, so as not to skew the results, and I just keep forgetting recently.

2007-12-03T14:24:00.000-05:00

Down to 280 lbs.

I'm finally in a stable relationship with someone, and therefor I am happy. When I am happy, I don't binge. When I don't binge, I can focus on a diet and lose weight.

One day soon I might actually post a recent picture on here. I just have to liberate my mother's camera.

100 Reasons (Unfinished)

2007-11-30T23:35:00.000-05:00

Below are 100 reasons that I want to lose weight.

Some are healthy, some are whimsical, and some are impractical, but they are my reasons and I'm sticking to them.

To end, or at least lessen, my headaches and depression.
To be able to wear the clothes I've always wanted to.
To be comfortable in my own skin.
To run a mile in less than 10 minutes. (I know that's a very large amount of time, but, as of 5 years ago, I 'ran' a mile in 16 minutes or so.)
To bike all the way to the store without having to rest halfway through.
To feel confident enough to date.
To regulate my blood pressure and cholesterol within healthy limits.
To be unashamed when I visit a doctor.
To stop getting a stitch in my side when I do anything related to running, walking, or jogging.
To hike the entire Appalacian Trail.
To go out clubbing and not care who's watching me dance.
To lose the dangerous belly fat.
To have well-defined muscles.
To not get odd looks when I say that I like to bike and kayak.
To go swimming without being body shy.
To feel comfortable enough to walk into a gym.
To feel okay when someone takes my picture.
To feel confident like I did when I was a little kid.
To act and sing - in front of other people!
To push the plate away while it still has food on it.
To not feel hungry all the time.
To be at a healthy weight for the first time in more than 10 years.
To inspire my younger sister to be healthier.
To go shirtless without shame.
To not feel obligated to clean my plate, then someone else's as well, just because I'm the fat guy and I'll eat anything.
To play 5 expert songs on DDR consecutively.
To help my joints, which seem like they're 20 years older than the rest of my body.
Improved posture.
To stop getting sick all of the time.
To look good in my favorite jacket.
To feel comfortable naked.
To go white water rafting.
To wear tight clothing and look good in it.
To stop my parents from worrying about my health.
To ease the start of my medical transition.
To be happier.
More energy.
I hate my double chin.
Come to think of it, I hate my stomach as well.
And my thighs.
To lift my own weight.
To comfortably fit onto amusement park rides, airplane seats, and auditorum seating.
To fit into clothes without an X in them.
To climb the rock wall at my university.
To shock the friends I only see once a year.
To live into old age.
To be able to zip my boots all the way up.
To not feel like a cliche.
To get the tattoos I want without feeling self conscious.
To lose the flab under my arms.
To play around with my parents' dogs, because they need the companionship and I need the exercise.
To not be obese.
For Michael.
To look good in leather.
I want to help my father remodel the house.

2007-11-29T21:35:00.001-05:00

Somehow I'm down to 281.6. Haven't cut soda out of my diet as much as I'd like to, because my aunt bought me a case of my favorite soda.

Sorry about the lack of posts, but I haven't been keeping track of my food intake and so I have no idea how I managed to lose weight, especially over the Thanksgiving celebrations. But no matter. I have started making more things from scratch, so that likely has something to do with it. Also the stress of finals is upon us, so that'll burn quite a few calories I'm sure.

Haven't had a binging episode recently, although in response to the comments on my previous entry, I do know most of my triggers, which I might as well list here.

Binging triggers:

Stress/ anxiety
Salt
School
Family
...

Well, I'd though that there were more, but that seems to be all that I can think of at the moment.

And so we are now at an impasse. I do want to tell you all more about myself, but I am reluctant to do so, because sad as it is, I don't want to lose the few readers that I have. Ah well, I have other blogs for that.

2007-11-17T14:28:00.000-05:00

My scale keeps saying 285.

Since it's never lied to me before, I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I weigh 285 lbs now. I don't really want to acknowledge it, but ignoring it will only hurt me in the end.

I can believe that I weigh 285. My frame was not built to carry quite so much weight and lately the joints in my legs have been aching whenever I walk for more than 5 minutes at a time. I feel like an old man. I'm 19 for chrissakes! Supposedly in the prime of life (at least that's what my uncle tells me) and my father could easily put me to shame. The man doesn't watch his diet, eats whatever he likes, but he never goes overboard like I do, and he's active. I don't know why I don't have his drive for fitness, unless it's the fact that he did a stint in the Marines and I haven't - and never will. I got my voice and my artistic talent from him, but no love of fitness. The only sports I like are tennis (too unfit), kayaking (too cold now), swimming (too cold again, and I won't swim in front of other people), and hiking.... I can't come up with any excuses for not hiking. So perhaps I should start doing that every weekend instead of sitting on my bum in front of my laptop or TV. I think I will, there are a few places nearby that I can hike at.

I also need to start watching my diet again. I'll do well for a day or so, then BAM!!! Off the rails and eating myself sick, which I always ALWAYS regret. I'm going to stop drinking so much soda, and try to eat more vegetables and fruit.

On the exercise front, my TotalGym is buried underneath some boxes of winter clothing that I hauled out of storage and haven't put away yet. I should remedy that...

Restart in 5...4...3...2..

2007-11-11T19:42:00.000-05:00

Well if we're going to restart this, we might as well do it up right. That means no more holding back on my part. I'm going to put all of myself out there, not hide anything from you few people who read my blog. And if it turns you away then so be it. This isn't a popularity contest, it's about me being happy and healthy for the first time since I was six. So you'll learn some dearly held secrets and maybe I'll be able to hold myself more accountable if I 'fess up about the driving factor behind my current attempts at weight loss.

Update

2007-11-07T18:25:00.000-05:00

Terribly sorry for the lack of updates. A lot of stuff has been going on, but it's mostly due to the fact that my laptop expired in late September, and was only recently fixed. I lost everything on it because it had to be reformatted, but at least I'm online again.

As for the diet side of things....... it didn't go so well while I was offline. I think I gained back all the weight I've lost and then some. I basically had a relapse of the binge eating that has plagued me for a few years.

Look for a more thorough update and a restart sometime later this week.

Day 38

2007-09-25T20:37:00.000-04:00

Terribly sorry about the lack of posts. My internet explorer was maimed by a virus which is still attempting to take over my computer. Also I was dealing with depression and three major assignments for college due at the same time. But I've finished the assignments, and conquered the worst of the depression. I gave up on IE and have reverted back to my favourite browser, Firefox.

I've recently been getting pains that resemble runner's stitch, but these happen when I'm not even active. They worry me a little and remind me of how unhealthy I am. Also in the past two weeks I've fallen down in front of more than a dozen people do to my very weak right ankle. I just step wrong and BOOM, down I go onto my hands. At least the last time I was on dirt instead of asphalt. That time hurt much worse, although my pride hurts the most of all. I embarrass easily.

Day 32

2007-09-19T17:01:00.001-04:00

Forgot to weigh in this morning.

Food:
Poptarts: 400 kcal / 4 g protein
Beef Jerky: 160 kcal / 24 g protein
Soda: 200 kcal / 0 g protein
Ramen: 400 kcal / 3 g protein
Chili & Cornbread: 800 kcal / 28 g protein

TOTAL: 1960 kcal / 59 g protein

Currently dealing with cravings in a bad way, which has inspired me to stop eating so much processed food. So once I eat what's left in my pantry/refrigerator, that's it. No more processed foods. I need to learn how to cook real vegetables anyway. I also need to learn how to cook for one....because I am not that good at it. I've been looking for either a casserole, one-dish, or cooking for one cookbook, but I haven't found one I like yet.

Day 31

2007-09-18T12:28:00.000-04:00

Oh look, it's..... Tuesday afternoon. And I thought I'd be posting Sunday night. I would have, but my internet connection was iffy until today.

I think I ate fairly well while I was away. I didn't monitor quantities of things, but neither did I eat out in restaurants. I brought my own semi-healthy food to eat.

Day 25

2007-09-12T18:21:00.000-04:00

1 lb loss!

I'm headed to Atlanta GA for the weekend, starting at 4:30 AM tomorrow morning. I plan on monitoring what I eat, but not freaking out if I want to indulge in something wonderfully unhealthy. I won't be back until Sunday evening, so the next post will be then.

Food:
Nilla Wafers: 280 kcal / 2 g protein
Meat sandwich: 150 kcal / 8 g protein
Crisps - Bruschetta flavoured! : 450 kcal /3 g protein (This odd flavour of crisps reminded me of my trips to the UK. Not that I had Bruschetta Crisps there. But I did have [and love!] prawn crisps. And Aero bars. Neither of which I've been able to find back in the US.)

Day 24

2007-09-11T12:44:00.000-04:00

Weighed in at 269.5!

Food:
Cashews: 510 kcal / 15 g protien
Nilla Wafers: 700 kcal / 5 g protein
Chicken: 220 kcal / 40 g protein
Brown Rice: 140 kcal / 4 g protein
Cabbage: 100 kcal / 2 g protein

TOTAL: 1670 kcal / 66 g protein

On another note, I've been knighted! I'm now a member of the Knights of the Round Bottoms, a group of bloggers who are all getting healthy. I'm Sir Fluffy, and I will be changing my posting name to reflect that.

Day 23

2007-09-10T15:21:00.000-04:00

Lost 0.3 lbs. Currently weighing in at 271, meaning that I have lost 5 lbs overall. I've actually lost 7 lbs since this started, since I stumbled a bit and regained.

Food:
Crackers: 150 kcal / 2 g protein
Cashews: 170 kcal / 5 g protein
Nilla Wafers: 140 kcal / 1 g protein
Chicken, brown rice, and garden peas: 800 kcal / 28 g protein
Cottage Cheese: 120 kcal / 12 g protein

TOTAL: 1380 kcal / 48 g protein

Must EAT BREAKFAST! Even if not hungry, take something for later.

Day 22

2007-09-09T12:15:00.000-04:00

Lost 0.6 lbs - the scale said 271, 270, 272.5, 271.5, 271, 270. It was very confused.

Food:
Poptarts: 400 kcal / 4 g protein
Ramen with egg: 450 kcal / 8 g protein

Oops. Was overcome by food rebellion led by the carbs. I think it's because the cupboards are looking a bit bare. Minor inconsequential casualties. Est.: 1000 kcal / 15 g protein

TOTAL: 1850 kcal / 27 g protein

Day 20 & 21

2007-09-08T07:21:00.000-04:00

Lost 1.1 lbs - 9.7 lbs to go until 1st mini goal!

Kinda was too depressed and tired to blog yesterday, although I did keep up with my calories. I've been sleeping too much, and on Friday I slept through the one class I can't miss any more days in. On top of that, I missed the first test in that class, with no way to make it up. Go me.

Day 20:
Food total: 1650 kcal / 38 g protein

Day 21:
Food:

Poptarts: 400 kcal / 4 g protein
Ramen: 380 kcal / 10 g protein
Lemon Cake: 300 kcal / 3 g protein
Crackers: 450 kcal / 5 g protein
Tuna Salad: 350 kcal / 12 g protein
Biscuits: 300 kcal / 6 g protein

TOTAL: 2180 kcal / 40 g protein

Day 19

2007-09-06T12:27:00.000-04:00

When I stepped on the scale this morning, it said 270.0.

I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and looked again.

Yep, still 270.0.

So, like always, I stepped off, let it reset itself, and weighed myself again.

273.0. That made more sense, but I weighed myself one more time just to be sure.

273.0.

I'll take that.

1 lb. loss

Food:

Cake: 1620 kcal / 12 g protein
Crackers: 300 kcal / 4 g protein
Penne with Chicken: 330 kcal / 16 g protein
Chicken Primavera: 260 kcal / 13 g protein

TOTAL: 2510 kcal / 45 g protein

Day 18

2007-09-05T13:40:00.001-04:00

1 lb. gain

Food:
Pepper Steak & Rice: 270 kcal / 11 g protein
Poptarts: 400 kcal / 4 g protein
Milk: 150 kcal / 12 g protein
Manicotti: 250 kcal / 8 g protein
Cake: 1620 kcal / 12 g protein

TOTAL: 2690 kcal / 47 g protein

Sabotage

2007-09-04T21:49:00.000-04:00

I was going to respond to sayre in the comments, but decided it'd make a better blog. So here we go.

I'm in college and not doing as well as I should. I have some psychological issues that I am working on, alongside the physical. My mother and I don't see eye to eye on my performance in college, and well....we just argue a lot about it. Because although I do have the capability to be a straight A student, I lack the motivation and drive to do so. So we argue.
As for why I reach for food as a coping mechanism: simple habit. Also, it beats conventional self-harming, although if I'd continued to eat the way I used to I'd eventually end up harming myself much more than I do when I self-harm in other ways. I know that people don't think of self-harm as normal, so I'm trying to stop that as well.
I really only wanted this blog to be about my weight loss, but it seems that I'll have to drag at least some of my psychological issues onto it as well.

(Sorry for not blogging over the weekend. I visited my family and had limited internet access. And I didn't do a very good job of eating healthily. We'll see how much damage I did in the morning, when I weigh myself. I expect despair, desperation, and determination. Stay tuned.)

Day 13

2007-08-31T13:08:00.000-04:00

Gained 1 lb. Not too bad for a caloric intake more than double my usual yesterday.

Day 12

2007-08-30T12:31:00.001-04:00

Lost 1 lb.

Food:
Oatmeal & Cashew Pancakes: 503 kcal / 15 g protein
Penne w/ Chicken: 33o kcal / 16 g protein
Doritos: 140 kcal / 2 g protein
Binge: 2280 kcal / 35 g protein (Upset? kill your feelings with food! A classic coping method for me. I did eat much much less than I normally would though. But then again I don't have loads of junk around me now either. I ate until I started to feel unwell, but didn't do that much damage. I think.)

TOTAL: 3253 kcal / 68 g protein

Sweet Treats

2007-08-29T20:08:00.000-04:00

My mother likes to send me home with food. Only it isn't homecooking (Mom doesn't cook much, dad's the chef). This weekend I came home with an assortment of Cheetos and Doritos, plus a candy bar. This is on top of a multi-pack of cookies (Nutter Butters, Oreos, and Chips Ahoy!) that my Aunt Bobbie sent home with me last weekend. Neither of them know that I'm trying to lose weight, so I can't say that they're trying to sabotauge me. And they aren't, either. I haven't even wanted any of the cookies. I've glanced at them, thought about it, then gotten something else. I haven't been wanting terribly sweet things.

That being said, I broke out the candy bar from it's hiding place (the fridge). I had one bite, then another. I savoured it. And then? I wrapped it up and put it back, because I was satisfied. I didn't want anymore. A mere 3 weeks ago I would've scarfed it down in less than a minute, then chased it with something else. Mindlessly eating. So that's an accomplishment that I hadn't even thought of yet.

Day 11

2007-08-29T09:40:00.000-04:00

I've lost another 1.8 lbs in a day. I know that most of it is from water weight loss, and that the bigger you are, the faster you lose; but it is still encouraging.

Food:
Oatmeal Pancakes: 423 kcal / 12 g protein
Chicken Primavera: 250 kcal / 13 g protein
Cheetos Crunchy: 160 kcal / 2 g protein
Garlic & Ginger Chicken: 155 kcal / 27 g protein
Brown Rice w/ Peas & Carmelized Onions: 219 kcal / ???g protein
Reese Candy Bar: 87 kcal / 1.6 g protein
Apple: 82 kcal / 0 g protein
Bologna Sandwich: 120 kcal / 5.5 g protein
Cottage Cheese: 120 kcal / 14 g protein

TOTAL: 1516 kcal / 74.1 g protein

Day 10

2007-08-28T11:37:00.000-04:00

I lost 1.2 lbs in a day.

This is both good and bad. Good because I lost weight! and bad because it's most likely due to my being sick. Nothing tastes good and I don't want to eat anything (except for cough drops). But hey, it's still weight loss, and it puts me 1.2 lbs closer to my goal of 199 lbs. I also found a weight loss tracker, which will stay at the top of my blog.

I'll also start keeping track of what I'm eating here, since I'm back on the computer.

The more research I do, the more it seems that I need to increase my protein intake. Which means I'm going to start monitoring and listing that as well.

Food:
Leftovers scramble: 273 kcal / ??? g protein
Cashews: 170 kcal / 5 g protein
Cottage Cheese: 180 kcal / 21 g protein (I've never had this before, and I like it a lot)
Oatmeal pancakes with banana syrup: 553 kcal / 13.5 g protein
Milk: 150 kcal / 8 g protein

TOTAL: 1326 kcal /46.5 g (+???g) protein

Updates

2007-08-27T13:31:00.000-04:00

I'm sick. I've had a head cold since Friday. I've also been out of town visting relatives all weekend. I'll blog about how love = food later.

About eating less than 1000 kcal - I'm not starving myself or anything like that. I don't plan on not eating. Sometimes it just happens. I just try to write down everything I eat on a given day. I don't seperate it by meals or anything. So if I eat the same thing for lunch and dinner it will only be listed once. I know I'm rambling now.

I've been doing some digging on the internet today (in between blowing my nose and dosing myself with medicine). And now I have more of an idea of what I need to be eating. I grew up with Southern (Deep South, USA) cooking as a standard, which isn't the healthiest diet out there. So I'm branching out on my own here, trying to eat healthy and lose weight. And if what I'm doing is working, I'll try my best to get my dad to cook the way that I do. While both of my parents are at a healthy weight (my dad still does his exercises every morning and has the body of a man 20 years younger) neither my sister or I am. I know that I am morbidly obese (BMI = 42), and I am certain that my younger sister is obese type 2. She lost 20 lbs recently, but that was from illness, which is not the way you should lose weight.

During my adventures on the internet today, I happened across Wikipedia, as I usually do. After following a few articles around, I calculated my Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) and determined it to be 1816. That is the amount of calories I need to maintain my weight, if I were completely inactive. The safest diet restriction is 75% of your BMR, in my case that is 1362. So I will be eating at least 1362 calories a day.

I got a scale over the weekend, and was confronted with the sad and slightly shocking fact that I weigh 276 lbs - 11 more than I thought. I knew I'd been yo-yoing from 255-275 in the past year, but I'd thought I was in the middle at this point, instead of on the high end. I'm approaching my heighest weight ever, a fact that scares the living daylights out of me. So having the scale there to motivate me is really going to work.

Cravings

2007-08-23T23:27:00.000-04:00

I'm fighting them. I don't even know what I want, aside from the fact that it comes out of a drive-through window. Or carbs and sugar. I've been wanting cake since before I started this diet.
But these cravings are Hell. I exercised, I drank water, I ate filling food. And I still want more. but I'm not hungry. I can feel that I'm not. But I want to eat something anyway.

In The Begining...

2007-08-23T13:25:00.000-04:00

...I weigh approximately 265 lbs. I'd be more accurate, but I haven't found a scale yet. But there is still KMart to look at, so hopefully there is one there.

EDIT: I have a scale now, and my starting weight is 276 lbs.

Measurements

Weight: 265 lbs (Note: My highest weight ever was 280 lbs, and that was approximately 3-4 years ago.)

Stomach(at widest point): 56 inches (WTF? I had no idea I was that big around.)

Waist: 53 inches (but I stuff myself into 42s and 44s)

Thighs (Both): 61 inches

Biceps (Both): 33 inches

Neck: 17.25 inches

Food Addiction

2007-08-23T12:56:00.000-04:00

This was taken from Losing A Hundredweight.

If you answer yes to any of these, you might be addicted to food. My answers are in bold.

1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? Yes, I talked about this only a few days ago.

2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly? Pretty much.

3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? Yes, I've been dieting since I was 11.

4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging? I have before, but this habit is fairly uncommon.

5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people? Of course I do.

6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight? No. That may be because I haven't gone to a doctor in 5 years.

7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)? Maybe? Define 'large quantities'. I think the answe is yes, on occasion.

8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long? No.

9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings? Yes.

10 Do you eat when you're not hungry? Yes.

11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later? No.

12 Do you eat in secret? Yes.

13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake? I have before.

14 Have you ever stolen other people's food? No.

15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?" No.

16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight? No.

17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten? I have before.

18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten? All the time.

19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?" Sadly, yes.

20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food? A lot of the time.

Now, if you were counting, you'd see that I answered Yes or maybe to 14 of the questions. That can't be healthy.

Day 5

2007-08-23T12:38:00.001-04:00

Food:
Turkey Sandwich - 240 kcal
Baked beans - 240 kcal
Hot Dog on wheat - 180 kcal
Cashews - 340 kcal
Burrito - 280 kcal
Bologna Sandwich - 120 kcal

TOTAL: 1400 kcal

Exercise: (Wow, really?!!!? I've been walking to school as usual, so this is only going to be 'extra' exercise.)

DDR - 35 kcal
Arm lifts - 100 reps

The Unsuited Suit

2007-08-22T19:27:00.000-04:00

So, my new suit arrived in the post today. It doesn't quite fit - I need to lose about 3 inches in the waist, and 2 in the stomach. But I think I can do that in under a month, particularly if I start focussing on my waist when I exercise.

Day 4

2007-08-22T08:52:00.001-04:00

Food:
Bologna sandwich - 180 kcal
Gatorade - 180 kcal
Japanese shrimp & rice - 600 kcal

TOTAL: 960

Day 3

2007-08-21T12:46:00.001-04:00

Food:
Taco - 200 kcal
Chicken w/ pasta - 700 kcal
Burritos - 500 kcal

Total - 1400 kcal

Day 2

2007-08-20T19:39:00.000-04:00

Food:
Cereal & Milk - 240 kcal
Burritos - 400 kcal
Crackers - 300 kcal
Tacos - 410 kcal
Mt. Dew - 150 kcal

TOTAL: 1500 kcal

Compulsive Overeating 1

2007-08-19T21:48:00.000-04:00

Okay, I ate just enough to feel uncomfortably full. That almost always seems to be when I stop. So I really want to conquer this. I've tried to count the number of times I chew, but I'm afraid that this will exascerbate my tendancy to count things - normally just steps or ceiling tiles or cars. Things like that. So I did start counting when I was eating earlier, but then I forgot to do it and lost track of what I was eating. I've also tried to sip water in between bites, although I often run out of water before I'm finished and I end up cramming my mouth completely full and eating like mad. I can't seem to stop myself. I realized that I was doing it, but I couldn't do anything about it.

Day 1

2007-08-19T12:36:00.000-04:00

Food:
Chicken & bean burrito - 400 kcal
Powerade - 60 kcal
Chipotle & cheddar crackers - 760 kcal (Shut up. I had to splurge on something. i just.... have to. I'm a compulsive overeater and I forgot to measure portions first and finished off the whole box. I'm portioning up the other foods that can be preportioned.)
Rasinets - 380 kcal
Ham Sandwich - 220 kcal (No more food today. Shouldn't of eaten this, but I was hungry.)

Total: 1600

Note:
I was just reminded of the fact that I'm going to my Nanny Rose's housewarming this weekend. That means Cajun food! Hell yes!! That also means goodbye sensible diet. But I will try to eat healthy except when confronted by the cajun food that I get a maxium of 4 times a year.

Obligatory Introductory Post

2007-08-18T22:38:00.000-04:00

Me llamo Alexander.

I'm not really hispanic, at least not enough to count. I just like the phrasology of that sentance - I call myself Alexander. It means something. Something which has nothing to do with what this blog's about, so let's wander away from that, shall we?

This blog is going to be about a section of my weight-loss journey. It's one I've been on for 8 years or more, and I want to come to the end of it relatively soon. I am 5'8. I weigh approximately 265 lbs. (I'm buying a scale tomorrow.) I'm going to update my stats on a weekly to bi-weekly basis, so I can keep up my motivation. This blog will log everything I eat, every exercise I do, how I feel. In short, everything about my weight loss.

I started this up again at the prodding of a friend, and I'm glad of it. Maybe this time I'll stick with it.