Sorry for not posting recently. I've been relatively depressed, although not at my lowest point. Near it though. I haven't been following any diet plan or keeping track of my meals, and I'm afraid of what the scale will say when I finally get the courage to step back onto it again.
My mother brought up the possibility of my having bariatric surgery- Lap-band, to be specific. But... I don't know. I'll admit that I have thought about it before, and our health insurance covers the procedure. Yet it somehow feels like cheating. I've been overweight and obese for what seems like my entire life, and I've been dieting since I was 11. I associate food with rewards, with comfort, with safety and acceptance. A doughnut isn't going to reject me, even if I say/do something wrong, look bad, etc. And food is one of coping methods, which I know is fairly common. So much so that I'm addicted to it. I have to be, to hate myself as I continue to stuff my mouth full, unable to stop 'til the box is empty, the crumbs gone. And I hate myself when I do that, I really do. But apparently compulsive overeating is better than my other coping mechanism, which is self-injury. Other than these self-destructive habits, I don't deal with stress. And I have a lot of stress. Just leaving my apartment stresses me out. I have an unofficial diagnosis of depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, and very mild agoraphobia, in addition to Gender Identity Disorder and Gender Dysphoria. I haven't talked about these things before because I wanted this blog to focus on weight loss, not my personal life. But it seems like I cannot separate them from one another.
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2 comments:
As I've found out, it's really hard to separate the two.
I started my blog with weight loss in mind as well. I didn't even think I was depressed. But someone suggested that I might be, and I realised that's why I'm overeating. Eating to cope with whatever's making me depressed. It seems like you're already at that stage, and you recognize that.
The next thing I did is try to address that. At present I'm in therapy with a psychologist, and it's pretty good. I don't know if that's anything you'd want to do, but it might be worth looking into.
It's not an automatic quick fix or anything. I mean I still eat to cope with stress and emotions and that, but it is helping me.
The thing with bariatric surgery, whether lap band, or gastric bypass (or any other that I'm forgetting) is that it's not a fix all thing. You'll still have the underlying issues that cause you to over eat and self-harm. So, even if you do go with that, therapy would possibly be helpful as well. There are quite a few people who after losing weight after such surgery put some of the weight back on because they're just going back to old habits.
Anyway, I hope you're able to sort through that stuff and find something that works for you.
You stated "I wanted this blog to focus on weight loss, not my personal life. But it seems like I cannot separate them from one another."
I've also found that it's hard to separate the two, but I've learned that in order to deal with my weight loss goals (more importantly healthy living) I first had to address the underlying personal issues such as my emotional attachment to food for example. Learning to cope with stress is another.
Weight loss is a bit like an onion, you need to peel back all the layers (binging, emotional eating, depression, stress...etc) to get at the heart of the problem. Once you have a better idea why these things are happening it allows you to better address the result you wish to achieve being weight loss.
I'm just beginning to understand a lot of these layers myself, which helps to explain why I haven't been overly successful in the past.
I was always attacking the weight problem without addressing the reasons for the gain.
In reguards to some of the conditions you mentioned it's best to seek out help to cope with them. There's no shame in seeing a physician or visiting support groups.
I myself see a Psychologist on a regular basis to deal with depression, stress and other issues.
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