Sorry for not posting recently. I've been relatively depressed, although not at my lowest point. Near it though. I haven't been following any diet plan or keeping track of my meals, and I'm afraid of what the scale will say when I finally get the courage to step back onto it again.
My mother brought up the possibility of my having bariatric surgery- Lap-band, to be specific. But... I don't know. I'll admit that I have thought about it before, and our health insurance covers the procedure. Yet it somehow feels like cheating. I've been overweight and obese for what seems like my entire life, and I've been dieting since I was 11. I associate food with rewards, with comfort, with safety and acceptance. A doughnut isn't going to reject me, even if I say/do something wrong, look bad, etc. And food is one of coping methods, which I know is fairly common. So much so that I'm addicted to it. I have to be, to hate myself as I continue to stuff my mouth full, unable to stop 'til the box is empty, the crumbs gone. And I hate myself when I do that, I really do. But apparently compulsive overeating is better than my other coping mechanism, which is self-injury. Other than these self-destructive habits, I don't deal with stress. And I have a lot of stress. Just leaving my apartment stresses me out. I have an unofficial diagnosis of depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, and very mild agoraphobia, in addition to Gender Identity Disorder and Gender Dysphoria. I haven't talked about these things before because I wanted this blog to focus on weight loss, not my personal life. But it seems like I cannot separate them from one another.
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Showing posts with label Food addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Food addiction. Show all posts
05 February 2008
29 November 2007
Somehow I'm down to 281.6. Haven't cut soda out of my diet as much as I'd like to, because my aunt bought me a case of my favorite soda.
Sorry about the lack of posts, but I haven't been keeping track of my food intake and so I have no idea how I managed to lose weight, especially over the Thanksgiving celebrations. But no matter. I have started making more things from scratch, so that likely has something to do with it. Also the stress of finals is upon us, so that'll burn quite a few calories I'm sure.
Haven't had a binging episode recently, although in response to the comments on my previous entry, I do know most of my triggers, which I might as well list here.
Binging triggers:
And so we are now at an impasse. I do want to tell you all more about myself, but I am reluctant to do so, because sad as it is, I don't want to lose the few readers that I have. Ah well, I have other blogs for that.
Sorry about the lack of posts, but I haven't been keeping track of my food intake and so I have no idea how I managed to lose weight, especially over the Thanksgiving celebrations. But no matter. I have started making more things from scratch, so that likely has something to do with it. Also the stress of finals is upon us, so that'll burn quite a few calories I'm sure.
Haven't had a binging episode recently, although in response to the comments on my previous entry, I do know most of my triggers, which I might as well list here.
Binging triggers:
- Stress/ anxiety
- Salt
- School
- Family
- ...
And so we are now at an impasse. I do want to tell you all more about myself, but I am reluctant to do so, because sad as it is, I don't want to lose the few readers that I have. Ah well, I have other blogs for that.
30 August 2007
Day 12
Lost 1 lb.
Food:
Oatmeal & Cashew Pancakes: 503 kcal / 15 g protein
Penne w/ Chicken: 33o kcal / 16 g protein
Doritos: 140 kcal / 2 g protein
Binge: 2280 kcal / 35 g protein (Upset? kill your feelings with food! A classic coping method for me. I did eat much much less than I normally would though. But then again I don't have loads of junk around me now either. I ate until I started to feel unwell, but didn't do that much damage. I think.)
TOTAL: 3253 kcal / 68 g protein
Food:
Oatmeal & Cashew Pancakes: 503 kcal / 15 g protein
Penne w/ Chicken: 33o kcal / 16 g protein
Doritos: 140 kcal / 2 g protein
Binge: 2280 kcal / 35 g protein (Upset? kill your feelings with food! A classic coping method for me. I did eat much much less than I normally would though. But then again I don't have loads of junk around me now either. I ate until I started to feel unwell, but didn't do that much damage. I think.)
TOTAL: 3253 kcal / 68 g protein
23 August 2007
Cravings
I'm fighting them. I don't even know what I want, aside from the fact that it comes out of a drive-through window. Or carbs and sugar. I've been wanting cake since before I started this diet.
But these cravings are Hell. I exercised, I drank water, I ate filling food. And I still want more. but I'm not hungry. I can feel that I'm not. But I want to eat something anyway.
But these cravings are Hell. I exercised, I drank water, I ate filling food. And I still want more. but I'm not hungry. I can feel that I'm not. But I want to eat something anyway.
Food Addiction
This was taken from Losing A Hundredweight.
If you answer yes to any of these, you might be addicted to food. My answers are in bold.
1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? Yes, I talked about this only a few days ago.
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly? Pretty much.
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? Yes, I've been dieting since I was 11.
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging? I have before, but this habit is fairly uncommon.
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people? Of course I do.
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight? No. That may be because I haven't gone to a doctor in 5 years.
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)? Maybe? Define 'large quantities'. I think the answe is yes, on occasion.
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long? No.
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings? Yes.
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry? Yes.
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later? No.
12 Do you eat in secret? Yes.
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake? I have before.
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food? No.
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?" No.
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight? No.
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten? I have before.
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten? All the time.
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?" Sadly, yes.
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food? A lot of the time.
Now, if you were counting, you'd see that I answered Yes or maybe to 14 of the questions. That can't be healthy.
If you answer yes to any of these, you might be addicted to food. My answers are in bold.
1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? Yes, I talked about this only a few days ago.
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly? Pretty much.
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? Yes, I've been dieting since I was 11.
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging? I have before, but this habit is fairly uncommon.
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people? Of course I do.
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight? No. That may be because I haven't gone to a doctor in 5 years.
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)? Maybe? Define 'large quantities'. I think the answe is yes, on occasion.
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long? No.
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings? Yes.
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry? Yes.
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later? No.
12 Do you eat in secret? Yes.
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake? I have before.
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food? No.
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?" No.
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight? No.
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten? I have before.
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten? All the time.
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?" Sadly, yes.
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food? A lot of the time.
Now, if you were counting, you'd see that I answered Yes or maybe to 14 of the questions. That can't be healthy.
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